Authenticity Vs Coping Mechanism

29 May

Let me share a personal recent experience. Over the last few months, I agreed to work for an organisation offering counselling and support to a very vulnerable group of people.

On paper, it was my dream job. It fitted perfectly with my private work and my trauma-informed practice with childhood trauma.

To my disappointment, the organisation was completely out of attunement with me and my values.

As a result, I felt a lack of trust, disorientated, alarmed, unsafe, and depleted. It was exhausting.

I faced a dilemma: do I stay true to my authentic self or push down all my gut feelings that told me this was not the right place to be?

I struggled on for several weeks. My physical and emotional body made it very clear that this was not a healthy environment for me.

The coping mechanisms I put in place were to fawn and please, become agreeable, smile and nod, go with the herd. Meanwhile, I felt physically sick.

Another coping mechanism was to dissociate, push it all down, push my mind to be present and come out of my body to get me through it. I stopped sleeping well. Felt weepy.

My body said No. I knew my authentic self was shouting loudly to stop. This was not in alignment.

Eventually, I listened. I spoke up, even when my voice shook. I did my best to share my experience and take care of the most vulnerable younger part of me who really needed me to take care.

I left. I recovered. It was a valuable teaching.

So, my question is to you.

How do you recognise when your true self is in alignment with your choices, and when do you notice your coping mechanisms come in to help you survive, and at what cost?

How does your body tell you it is unsafe, unsupported?

How far back does this go?

Take some time to be with this, listen and respond with compassion and care.