How to work with toxic shame and become who you are
Recognising Toxic Shame and how it shows up in our lives can be tricky as the nature of shame is a deeply repressed emotion. Being overly criticised, ridiculed, overly disciplined, bullied, and not given enough opportunity or space to freely communicate our emotions and experiences leads to toxic shame.
It tells us we are wrong to feel what we feel, to be who we are. It rewires our nervous system leading to dysregulation and confusion. We simply don’t know what to feel and when, it can be confusing and overwhelming.
I want you to know, there is nothing wrong with you.
If you are experiencing toxic shame, all it means is that your trauma imprints have left you wired a little differently from those who didn’t have this experience.
Many of us can experience the following in response to the intensity of toxic shame:
Substance misuse, addiction to shopping, food, and social media, and overworking
People pleasing, fawning,
Isolation, disconnected
Procrastination, perfectionism
Imposter Syndrome
Passive aggression, rage
Depression, anxiety
Self-judgement, judgemental of others
Difficulty in sustaining intimate relationships
At a pace our nervous system can allow, in slow doable steps, we can turn toward feelings, emotions, and sensations. We learn how to be with them in a way that can now be understood.
We then begin to become more of who we are, our natural blueprint that we were born with can begin to emerge and we can live with more joy, vitality, and trust. We trust ourselves and others, we know how to set healthy boundaries and respond in appropriate ways.
Working with a coach or therapist to guide you and support your recovery can be one of the most valuable acts of self-care you could ever gift yourself.
I have a strong interest in working with toxic shame, as it has been such a big influence in my life.
If you would like to chat about how you are feeling, and what would be right for you, get in touch and we can work it out. Together we can co-create exactly the right pace and care for you to fully recover and begin to live your life to your full potential.
You can listen to more from me on this subject here in this 20 min talk.