Understanding Your Inner Critic
The Inner Critic can be a persistent deliberating voice that continues to traumatise us throughout our lives. It is distressing, shaming, undermining, and highly critical.
We feel harassed and intimidated by the voice in our head. It can go unnoticed as we have become so conditioned to having this present.
It can be one of the most difficult and persistent trauma responses we have to deal with.
The relationship we have with ourselves is complex. To head off Inner Critic attacks you need to be aware of them. This can be tricky, as they have been so shaming for so long that we find it difficult to recognise them. They will mostly all come from a place of toxic shame. Shame can be well hidden as it's one of the most painful emotions for us to experience. We feel the symptoms, not the underlying issue.
It can shame and judge us into believing we are wrong, flawed, and simply not ok. This leads us to hide, playing small and the entire cycle of shame keeps repeating over and over. It's exhausting. My Inner Critic was and still can be brilliant at shaming my shame, an advanced technique!
Your being is whole and perfect, but what you do can be flawed sometimes. This is our nature. The critic speaks in a way that makes you believe who you are is wrong. This is never true.
Could it be time to sit down with your inner critic and get some boundaries put in place? To take a position of authority? Of course, it is.
How to begin?
Always with compassion and with kindness, become your own best friend as you navigate this deepening in your internal dialogue.
Pay attention to when you feel triggered by an event, have confusing or difficult emotions and behavior in your relating, or simply feel dysregulated for no apparent reason. The Inner Critic is likely to have started this with shaming and fearful thoughts. Highly judgemental of you and others in its desire to manage the shame and fear that is unprocessed.
Turn inward to look at your thoughts and the story that is running. Is it a supportive healthy narrative or is it critical, fearful, and anxious? Get underneath this and be honest with the wording of your thoughts. How could they be gentler and more accurate?
Look for evidence that this critical attack is correct in its claims. Notice the feelings that arrive in the present, and be with them.
Slow down the thoughts and dialogue so you can take time to see how unfounded they are. They tend to move fast, triggering emotional dysregulation without you even registering the thoughts. Write them down if this helps, look at them with curiosity.
Is the Critic talking about what you have done or who you are? Separate them. Approach both with the care and compassion needed to take care of your vulnerability and sensitivity.
Consciously take time to reject the attack. You can say it loud that you don’t accept it, journal it, or move it through your body with breath, sound, and movement. All Somatic Practices will support you.
Each time you catch hold of an attack you will become more confident and efficient in building more capacity and stronger resilience. Keep working with it daily, build new pathways and new maps for your nervous system to regulate with.
Building a new relationship with your Inner Critic will help ease the intensity and frequency of attacks. You can connect with your inner parent, the responsible adult who is taking care of a disruptive child. Slowly correcting and bringing it closer to feel less shame and fear, with love and care.